Today I am going to write from a part of me that I dont venture to that often. I am writing from my past. I try not to dwell in the past because it cant be changed. The best part of my past of course are things like meeting my dream girl, having my kids, becoming a Christian...good things like that make me smile. However, a part of my past reared its ugly head today and made me a bit upset.
I had always been hurt that my fathers mother, my paternal grandmother Beatrice, doted on my older brother from the day he was born until the day she died. She gave him things, even left him in her will to recieve a good portion of her estate. Now before I go on, she was not some old rich woman but she did leave land that had worth. Back to the point...it bothered me. It made me upset that my grandmother, my fathers mother, would place me below my sibling. So of course, with the lack of attention I recieved I felt that grandparents should either treat each grandchild equally or dis-regard them all together. Which brings me to today.
I have five children (in case you didnt know) and I love them all equally. Their treatments may be different only becuase I try to meet each at their own individual personallity. But my love remains un-altered. My two oldest are from a previous legal arrangement (duh, I was married once before). I split with thier mother and retained full custody of them. For some weird reason, it was known that my oldest child was given special treatment for some reason by my ex's grandparents. However, the "things" each child got seemed to be even. My oldest moved out a few years ago and so began the slow seperation of me and my 2nd oldest from the grandparents. Pretty soon neither one even called him. Never again was he invited to Christmas get togethers, Thanksgiving feasts and pretty soon even his birthday was not acknowledged. Not once did either of us get an explanation of this treatment.
My oldest is living in a house owned by his grandparents. He drives a vehicle given to him by his grandparents...you see where I am going with this? Now I find out that he has been given yet another (No. 3) vehicle from his grandparents! My 2nd oldest is about to celebrate his 16th birthday and this is the treatment he gets?? Not to mention that my oldest child with my wife also fell in love with my ex's grandparents. They treated her like a princess at first, but then it just ended!
I am not looking for anything from them. I will take care of my children as I always have. But when it is shoved in my kids face that they mean little to nothing to those who are supposed to love them dearly, that makes me angry. My 2nd oldest is an A-B student. He loves God. He loves to help people. He is a great big brother and son. I am just floored that he is the one being treated like an outcast. I really dont care that much that his bio-carrier has totally cut him from her life; my wife is the only mom he wants or needs. But he did nothing to deserve this treatment. I hope they see what they have missed.

your not entitled to entitlement...

Today I get to go to work late. Its one of those little "ahhh" moments I don't get to take advantage of often. So I get to catch up on things. I get to make some cheesy taters for my loving wife so she can take them to her school team. I will run by the Italian Restaurant that my son wants to work at and pick him up an application. Those things I cant do because of my job, you know?
I also get to catch up on current events and to tell you the truth, I wish I had not. I get to see Alec Baldwin getting kicked off of a plane for being mouthy with a flight attendant. Of course there are many ways to look at this. Through the eyes of the attendant, there are rules and regulations that all must follow. Turn off mobile devices, bring your seat to an upright position...you know the drill. So she has instructed Mr. Baldwin to deactivate his Ipad and he refuses. She in turn (because acting weird on a plane has now become taboo) openly lets Mr. Baldwin know that he MUST turn off his Ipad. Mr. Baldwin is said to have exchanged rude words and is "thrown" off of the plane. Through the eyes of the media, Mr. Baldwin has succumb to losing his status as a big star and rich guy. He is taught a lesson that he can not use his fame to get his way. Great job middle class attendant, you taught that bow-hard a lesson he will never forget!
Through the eyes of Mr. Baldwin. Here is a guy who is used to cameras and media being in his face all the time. Sometimes its annoying and sometimes its nice. Because he is a "known" person he feels that he is being singled out by this attendant. Was he? Maybe, but he did say that others were tweeting about the incident on their phones the entire time he was being instructed to turn off the Ipad. He feels the airline was giving terrible service.
Lets look at the overall stance of our beloved country. Because of the media and the current administration, the rich and famous have become flamboyant toys that no one wants to play with any longer. It used to be cool to say "I waited on Bill Cosby today" or " I got an autograph from George Strait". Not any more. Look on Ebay. An autographed guitar by Gene Simmons is worth less than the same guitar with nothing written on it. The middle and lower class just does not care.
I think its because so many people feel that because we live in America, we ALL deserve to be rich and famous. Many do not want to work for their riches, they want it handed to them.
However, this blog is about entitlement and rules. The main thing to understand is that no matter who you are, the rules apply to you. No one is exempt from the rule. Yes, maybe in certain instances, certain circles and at certain places you have been led to believe "that rule does not apply to me" however, to the person in front of you that has NEVER met you before...you are nothing more than a new face that will adhere to rules and policies just like everyone else. Try to remember this. If you have ever been given a pass on following a rule others must follow, don't you feel that they have been discriminated against?
Just your morning coffee, enjoy!

Never stop falling...

I will always remember that day. The Christmas season is always a stressfull time, especially in retail. The long hours having been spent setting up plan-o-grams, sales stickers and holiday signage can be completely exhausting. Not to mention the fact that I was a newly single father of two and I had to make time to shop for Christmas presents. I was, to say the least, stressed.
What happens next? The exact answer to a prayer that was prayed not just a few days prior; I got the life change I was looking for. You came to me. You needed shoes, and now I know why you needed those shoes. You had to begin your walk with me. Not by accident, not by fate, but by the power of our loving heavenly Father who knew WE needed each other. I totally know after almost twelve years together (11 years of marriage) I needed you.
Love has been defined by many so-called experts as a feeling of falling and then being stable to never fall again. I fall in love with you many times throughout every year. I have a complete life since you married me. My remaining days on this earth will be filled with ways to make you the happiest woman on earth. Because you are worth it.
I know that the future will still have days that are better than others. I will still stress you out and I will get mad over something you say or do. We will argue. But arguing is good, especially when the person you argue with is WORTH arguing with. And you are SO worth it.
But above all that, you are worth all the best. You deserve to have a man who will give you all of him and never cease. I (again) promise you that I will love you for the rest of my life. I also promise that now and again, I will fall in love with you all over again. 11 years is a long time, but its just the tip of the iceberg.
Happy 11th Anniversary Tamara Kay Edwards. My love, my life, my all. You make me smile!

Phobia or Fear?

I believe in the truth. I will admit that over my years of life (40 and counting) I have not been the most honest man. Integrity used to be a phobia of mine. I was scared to tell the truth because of who it might hurt. Me, maybe someone else. But as our parents have told us, the older you get the wiser you get. I am no mastermind genius, but I know the difference between right and wrong.
The case that I bring up is when I see people telling other "I will be praying for you" or "sending prayers your way". These are sweet and almost comforting phrases that tend to get used a lot. But who are we praying to? I am having trouble knowing that I am a sinner and I pray to God who will not look upon sin. When I sin, He is not looking at me. He cant! How can He still love me?
I have been hearing lately about "phobia". People think that if someone does not accept someone else because of a different lifestyle, then they are suffering from a phobia. Again, if a lifestyle that is chosen that has been deemed a sin by God, how can we accept it and still expect God to listen to our prayers? Look at this in human standards. If you have bad credit, a bank will not look at you. You will get NO help from a bank. Why? Because bad credit is BAD. However, you can possibly go to a sub-prime lender and get a loan for an terrible interest rate. Is that acceptance? It is putting you further into debt and you are paying a higher price. However, you got what you wanted...acceptance. Is the price of acceptance worth it?

Educating the School

We had our meeting for our daughter's 504 plan at school. For those that may not know, a 504 plan is a recognition of a dissability that allows the student equal access to an education. If a child has a dissability, thier dissability cannot hinder them from an equal education. It basically puts all students on an equal playing field regardless of thier dissability.
The meeting did not go as planned. We met with Dr. Jerban of Marietta Dermatology and got the official diagnosis of our daughters EBS. He even prescribed some creams and bandages that would increase and promote healing. This is what the school wanted us to get before we could move forward. My wife and I met with the principal, the school nurse over the district, the PE coach, the counselor and the teacher. We were outnumbered and put on the defensive as soon as the conversation started. They kept saying "we are a team", however when that term came up, they looked at one another, not us. We were not a part of thier team. It was almost like they were ready to turn us down the moment we walked in. We explained to them that EBS is skin condition that is hereditary and mainly affects the hands and feet. There is a carotine in skin that helps protect the skin from trauma (walking, running, holding things that are heavy). Me and three of my five children are missing this carotine. In a nutshell, we get blisters very easy.
Our daughter has been having a rather difficult time this year than usual. Our oldest son has this and I am only used to seeing it in boys so I had no idea how it would affect my daughter. Needless to say this year has been bad. Our daughter comes home about every other day limping because her feet hurt. She mentioned this to her Physical Education teachers and was told to bring a note from home or a doctors note. So we have been providing those.
I digress...we explained to the "team" that our daughter does not ALWAYS get blisters (no need to lie about it) only does she get them when the weather is really hot and/or she is playing a lot. When the blisters form, they can be excrutiating (I have this, I know). I explained that our daughter would need to sit out of PE and/or remove her shoes to relieve the pain.
The nurse asked if the accomodations being made to our daughter would help. We said yes they will help. Really all the school needs to do is when she says she is hurting, dont force her to participate and dont let her grade be affected. The "team" agreed that because the accomodations were not significant enough and that even though this dissability was life-long, it was "mild". With this being said, the "team" agreed that the 504 plan was to be denied however a medical plan for this year would be provided. Are you KIDDING ME?? MILD?? Have you ever walked on your feet with them oozing blood from open wounds? This is MILD? We have always taught our child to not let the dissability weaken her. We tell that to all of our kids no matter the situation. Now, since we teach our kids to be strong, the school thinks that a "mild" dissability (in thier eyes) needs no protection. Excuse me, but didnt you ask me to provide documentation from a specialist? Did the specialist not tell you that she would have this all of her life and that she will never be cured? Does the documentation not say "accomodations must be made"?
Here is the outcome. We have no 504 plan but the school "recognizes" her dissability. Therefore they will make accomodations for this year. This in no way binds the teachers next year to do the same. So this means that at some point we will all have to meet at the table again (taking time out of work and pay) to discuss our daughters dissability again. Not only that, we have another daughter that in 4 years will be subject to the same. However, the 504 plan would follow our daughter all through her years at school and we would not have to keep explaining to every teacher what is happening.

Did I mention that "this ain't over"?! Like I said, my wonderful wife and I are not a couple of uneducated people that can be pushed around by a polyester business suit wearing counselor who looks like she just got out of high school. By the way lady, how do you breathe through those Voldermoort slits in your nose??? (now I am just being mean). Like I said, this is not over and we are about to have what my grandaddy would call "a good old fashioned prayer meeting". Please, if you know of someone who might do some pro-bono advocacy work in the Cobb area, please let me know.

Its bitter for a reason, spit it out

I have once again been put into a precarious situation. I wont get into detail, but something has happened that will affect my future. This blog is not about what happened but how I am trying to cope with it.
Jesus said, if your brother strikes your cheek, give him the other cheek as well. If he sues you for your shirt, give him your coat as well. So here I am dealing with a person who has selfishly limited my ability to move up with the company. Thank God we have been studying James on Sunday because had we not, I may be doing things a little different. I am wrestling with myself trying to not seek justice rather just go on doing my job and helping others. That is what is keeping the peace at my workplace right now. I have people who depend on me to lead them so that will need to be my focus.
The human struggle here on earth is trust. Look at your daily life and what you have to deal with. If you had a bad day, it was probably due to a trust issue. You went to the same coffee shop you have trusted for years and they messed up your latte. You asked your best friend for a favor and they turned had to turn you down. You may have taken the same road to work that you have trusted and it was backed up. Somehow, there was trust that was the problem. I have had my share of trust issues. Not being able to trust people and also not being trusted myself. I brought that upon myself. So when my trust has been broken with someone else, I must not let it dwell with me.
Life is hard enough without having to dwell on the bad things. I am now 40 years old and sitting here I can totally list (endlessly) my blessings that God has given me. I have a wife of whom I adore. My children light up my life and love me. My mom lives with us and helps us not have to pay childcare. I have a job and I feel I will have it for awhile. Just a few weeks ago, a true friend gave my family a blessing we were never expecting. These are true gifts from God. (pay attention to the segway)
GOD. God is who I should trust above all things. He has always brought the good to my life and He always will. Yet, I do have trouble trusting Him to make the right things happen in my life. I want this, but I get that. I prayed for something and got something else. I had to change that last sentence becuase it first read "I prayed for something and got nothing". That is not true, when I pray for something I want I always get something. It may not be what I want, but it ends up being what I need. God does that. He is our Father, he treats us as a caring parent would. He has the ability to give us anything we NEED. The fact is, when we get what we need, there is a blessing tied to it always.
So today and on I will try to look through my human eyes and human heart at the blessings that come from dissapointment. Look at your children. They want several things but sometimes you can only give them what they need. They may be sad, but they always meet you at the door the next day more happy to see you than the previous day. That is because you cared enough to meet their needs. Isnt that what God does? So why arent we meeting Him at the door everyday with a smile when He gets home from work? He never stops taking care of us. You could say thats His job and He is mighty good at it. James says it best;
 ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

The FURTHER decline of WC?

In this day to day, dog eat dog, check to check, double word double life-do we ever stop to think how fast we are going and why does it have to be SO fast? My personal opinion is that one source of all this entitlement to get things "NOW" are drive thru service. Yes, I said drive thru service.
Why do we go through a drive thru? Lets examine that for a moment.
1. Dont want to go inside
2. Too lazy to go inside
3. Want it FAST!
4. Want it FASTER than going inside!
5. I think you are getting the point.
What has happned to our United States of the fast and furious? The overwhelming need to get it done fast and now! I do of course go to the drive thru at most places. However, being in the type of work I am in, I would rather wait than have my purchase done so fast that quality was taken away from it. Take or instance going to the bank. I hope no one out there goes through the drive thru wanting faster service at a bank. Are you serious? Do you want that teller to go so fast that a mistake might be made and your money is totally messed up? Heaven forbid! If you were looking for fast service, you gave up your right to efficient service.
This mentality goes for everything we do in life. We are such a nation of get it done yesterday thinking we have lost the need for quality. Oh yes we WANT quality, but if I can get it faster, I will give up my quality.
Take a moment children. Walk into Starbucks. Park in the back last space of Wal Mart. Take a little time to look around you. Before you know it, you are 40+ and you wonder where it all went. What did I miss? Life only comes around once.

I feel sorrow tonight. As much as I look at life and I let life stress me out, I dont think enough for those who are trying to cling to life. A good friend of mine from high school lost her 10 year old son to cancer this morning. Evan Thomason went to be with God today. I am thinking of my five children, my five healthy children and I think of Evan. I could not fathom losing my child to cancer. Melissa is Evans mother and my friend. She has been forced to be strong while having to sit and watch her little boy suffer. Now she suffers as she has to let go of this brave warrior. I pray that our loving Father sits with her and holds her and her family tight. Goodbye Evan, I never met you but you have made a change in my life.

Respect the past...

Ms. Jane (Janie I call her) is by far one of my favorite customers. I know that I talk a lot about the irrate people that come into my store (and there are many) but I want to focus on a real sweetheart.

Ms. Janie is an older lady with a sparkling smile and a face of grandmother meeting you at the door with milk and cookies. She spends her time giving all that she can for soldiers who fought, soldiers who are fighting and soldiers who have given thier lives fighting for us. She knows generals, colonels, and all the brass this side of Georgia. There are officers around here that have the power to send 100's of men to war, but to Ms. Janie they are little boys who run in the backyard using a fallen tree branch as a gun and throwing pine cones as grenades; and those officers respect her for that.

Today Ms. Janie came in to ask about some of her accounts as she often does. Whenever she comes in I hope to have a stack of magazines to send with her to the wounded soldiers she visits weekly. Today, I had actual books donated by my mom. Ms. Janie was thrilled as always with what I gave her and she wanted to show me something.

She pulled from her purse a printed e-mail and a little card (the kind of card they give out at funerals with information about the recently departed person). On that card was a black and white picture of a grinning man wearing a barnstormer leather helmet. He had the goggles and all and he looked thrilled. Ms. Janie told me that this was Elmer "Gene" Browning and that he had recently passed away. She said "love, I am going to keep you for a minute because I want you to hear his fascinating story."

Elmer was a ball turret gunner on a B-17 fighter plane. His plane was shot down in Germany where it crash landed in an open field. Gene's shoulder and hip was hurt during the crash. He had to drag himself into the woods with his parachute in tow. When he made it to the woods, he heard some men coming towards him. He quickly gathered up some leaves and began to bury his parachute and himself. However, the men got to him just as he was about to cover himself up. He was very frightened of course. When he looked up at the men (there were two) he saw that one was holding a garden hoe. The men quickly grabbed Gene and all he could think of was that he was about to be beaten to death with the garden hoe the one man was carrying. The two men quickly dragged Gene towards a barn next to a garden. He felt a bit better about the hoe because he saw the garden and felt that these men were actual farmers. The men pulled him into the barn and began to undress him. Again, Gene had no idea what was about to happen especially when the men were now undressing him! They took his pistol from inside his jacket and another older man emerged from the back of the barn with some old farm clothes. They dressed Gene in the clothes quickly and took him out to the garden. The older man handed him the garden hoe, pushed his head to face the ground and mimicked him chopping the ground with the hoe. At this time the Nazi soldiers were coming past the farm and yelling at the farmers asking if they saw an American soldier come past. The farmers began yelling "yes,yes!" and pointed that the man was headed down the road. After the soldiers had left, the farmers took Gene into the barns storage room; removed the wood slats and made a makeshift bed in the wall of the storage area so that Gene could rest and heal.

After several months the farmers were able to contact the American consolate and arrange safe passage for Gene back to safety. He was carried by horse and cart for many miles before he made it back to the American side.

This story was so inspiring that I had to write about it. I dont ever have much to write about but this had to be told. There is much more to know about Gene and I intend to read as much as possible. I just "met" him today and I already think he is a fine American. Not only that, but those farmers were fine Germans to help him in his time of need.

finally something to write about...

On May 20, 2011 my family lost the strongest woman ever known. My grandmother, AvieLou Brandon passed early Friday morning after 94 years of life. And it was a like well lived.
In 1916, AvieLou Winters was born to a humble family of dirt farmers and cotton pickers. She spent her childhood working and going to tent revivals. Very early in life she knew that she wanted to serve the Lord her God. She met Richard "Buster" Brandon later in life. After she would work all day in the cotton fields, she would stay after and gather the scraps of cotton. She did this to make a marriage bed for her and her soon to be husband. She knew that "Buster" would be her husband and mate for life.
As I said before, AvieLou knew God and she prayed to Him almost every day of her life. My cousin Valerie said at her funeral "I sometimes believed grandmother had a hotline to God". Well, I think so too. I watched my grandmother go to her knees during her "devotional" to God. She would begin her prayer with a greeting to God and thanking Him for hearing her prayer. She would then begin to pray for each and everything that went on in her life until the pain and sorrow of those she was praying for consumed her soul to the point of tears. She would tell God of how she prayed and fasted, fasted and prayed that His grace would be upon anyone who did not seek Him. She would pray that her words would fall on His ears like a beautiful melody. She cried. And not a sad cry, but an emotional cry to God pouring out her soul because she knew she was not worthy of His grace. She came to God as a child begging for forgiveness for the things that she had done or even the things she may do. I listened as my grandmother kept the line to God open at all times.
One day I was sad. I was sad because my mom told me she would come and get me and take me to play. She wasnt there when I expected and I asked grandmother if we could pray for her to come. We went to our knees in the living room facing the front of the house. With the front door open so we could see the road we began to pray. Grandmother asked God to bring my momma home to me. She told God that I was sad and that I wanted my momma. Soon after we prayed, my mom showed up. My grandmother DOES have a direct line to God!.
My oldest brother Jeff lived with my grandparents. In 1985 I lived with my dad in Huntsville. We got a call on Saturday morning that my brother had died in a car accident. My grandmother was devastated. I went to Gadsden with my dad to be with my grandparents and when I got there my grandmother was on her knees with tears in her eyes. You could have hit her with a baseball bat and it would not have hurt her more than losing my brother. But she prayed for my brother and she prayed him into Gods arms.
I did not visit or call my grandmother like I should have. I lived a life that she would not approve of. I felt judged. Little did I know that she was not judging me, she was praying for me. She loved me so much. She would often tell me that she was ready to sell her piano to get me back from Mobile when child services had me. She would always greet me with "hi there, how are you?" I would say "I am good grandmother, how are you?" and she would respond "I am well for someone my age, the Lord keeps me going after all these years". She always smiled when she saw me.
I miss her voice. I miss her words. I miss her prayers. I miss my grandmother. Its strange that when my granddaddy died I did not feel the need to write even though I loved him just as much. But my grandmother introduced me to God and she never let me forget Him. Because of that I am a better man today.
I miss you grandmother. I know that angels lifted you to heaven and Jesus met you at the gates. I know that God said to you "welcome home my faithful child". You are with Buster right now and I know you are happy. Give granddaddy a hug for me. Tell Jeff I miss him very much. Tell dad I hope he can run now. Ask God to give me strength as I finish my life here on earth. Please ask Him to help me daily to be a better man. I love you.

Lordy Lordy...look who's 40!

So I have travelled to the next level of life (according to some weird birthday cards I have read).
As I am writing this, I am 40 years and 2 days old. Do I feel different? No, not really. Not sure what the big deal is. I am still the same person. Yes I have grown a lot in the last 40 years, but its only by the grace of God I am here.
I just thank the Lord that I am healthy, my kids are healthy and that I am married to a wonderful lady. What more could a person ask for?
Happy birthday to me :)

Prodigal

Yes, I am still thinking of you. I never stop. How can I, you are my child. I do get a glimpse of your new world. A world that you have created and the whole intent is to seperate me from it. I do not agree with this world, but I do still love you. I can see that you are doing everything you thought you wanted. But are you happy? It doesnt look like it. Or when you have a bad day do you blame others. Do you blame me?
My world revolved around you. I guess you didnt like it when others tried to share that world. I didnt turn out to be what you wanted. I actually went in an entirely different direction. But you went forward. Doing what you wanted and making it known that you would not be controlled by anyone.
I wish you would come back to me. I wish God would light your path and you would see what real and true love have to offer. Their love is superficial and in all honesty, not from the heart. Their love is from a pocket book.
God bless and keep you. I pray for you all the time. I love you son. I hope you find your way home.