the little things

My family consists of me, my wife and 5 children. Five spirited, loud, obnoxious, lovable, sweet, kind children. I want to be a better father to them always. I was talking to H tonight on our way back from picking up his girlfriends birthday gift. He told me that he was going to be a great dad, but not as great as me. I told him I hoped that he is a better dad than me because even though I love my kids and would die a million times for each of them, I am flawed. I have matured over the last 19 years of being a dad, but it came at a hard price. I had to stop being such an over bearing father and start just being a father. Something that is hard to do when you have been saved.

The problem I face is that I am now walking with Jesus. I want my family to walk with Jesus. If they are constantly straying, I worry about their soul. That brings out the worst in me and I tend to lash out. I take things so personal sometimes. But to keep living the Saved Life, I must put away those feelings and keep my head looking upward. God has never failed me and His promise sustains me.

A few days before I met my wife, I was struggling with being a newly single dad. I had dropped the boys off at school and was off from work. I went home to an empty house, walked into my dark bedroom and hit the floor in prayer. I asked God if He would only bring my family back together, I would be His servant. The feeling I got gives me chills to this very day. As I mentioned, the room was dark. The shades were pulled and there was no light in the room. At that moment of me totally opening myself, my soul to God it was then that I got the most powerful rain of emotion. It made me bawl. It was like God was telling me “no my child, I will not let you go through the life you have been living any longer. You are not strong enough to follow me and bring your family. I wont bring your spouse back to you and you will have to do this on your own for awhile. However my son, I will be here always and at the right time…I will give you peace”. It was like the whole room lit up with His presence. My heart broke but was healing at the same time. Two days later, I met my wife. And with the help from God, she Saved me.

We cherish the moments that make us who we are. The little moments of walking by one another and touching hands for a second. That fills us up. I will always cherish the little things.